Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Areas of interest in Alaska

From this paragraph:

"Alaska is famous for its national parks. Some of their parks include the Denali National Park, Glacier Bay National Park, Kenai Fjords National Park, Kluane National Park and Wrangell St. Elias National Park."

I deleted the sentence: "You are bound to find many which offer wildlife attractions, mountains and aquatic areas to enjoy."

From this paragraph:

"The Elmendorf State Fish Hatchery, also in Anchorage, is another great destination. Operated by the state’s fish and game department, it offers salmon viewing in late May through July, as well as August through mid-September."

I deleted the sentence: "This is more of an ideal place to visit if you’re into fishing and the outdoors."

Changed "In addition to displaying everything about this state’s history" to just "additionally."

Got rid of the crutch words like "definitely" and "just."

Changed "The Alaska SeaLife Center in Seward is one place you won’t want to leave off your itinerary" to "Don't leave the Alaska SeaLife Center off your itinerary." The revised sentence seems to be more active.

REASON FOR CUTTING: Word count limit and poor writing.

Read this article here:
Places to Visit in Alaska

No comments:

Post a Comment